“My heart is hard and charred and cold and shrinking into a black ball. I guess this is how it needs to be for me to survive here.”
Heartbreak
I need to steel myself
No Other Choice
Or so it seemed. Little did I know that statement, that visual as I was driving to work on the ‘Sookahala” for those of you local to Victoria and area, was another one of those waking up moments. You know the ones…they are freeze-framed in your mind and your body, feelings stored there for a later time when you can process them. Because you can’t process them in that moment.
These moments will wait until you are ready.
What was YOUR freeze-frame moment? Or moments? What is waiting for your attention? Patient, ever-watching, for you to place the last puzzle piece so your body can begin the process it’s designed to do. That’s not a typo…this process is NOT of the mind, it is body-based and body-led, and our job is to ALLOW it to occur and support the process best we can, with all the tools, skills, and intuitively guided wisdom we have available.
“I don’t know how to do this.”
That makes perfect sense. The path is revealed as we walk it. And it’s not easy, or straightforward. But it IS as ancient as all time. So, how do you tolerate the intensity of the feelings and not go into freeze again? How do you breathe while the memory surfaces, and not buy into what it tries to tell you it means? How to see under that feeling/memory and NOT listen to the ‘old story’ but to be present instead to what that experience is trying to reveal to you in THIS moment?
My vision was trying to tell me how the situation I was in was draining my life energy, my vitality…it was a recreation of an old pattern from my childhood where I made myself small in an act of protection. This was not how I first interpreted it! I bought into the old story that I had to keep making myself small and invisible and that my pain was irrelevant and inconsequential. I don’t want you to misunderstand though; I did NOTHING wrong, I was following the path as it was revealing itself to me. I found value, in the end, in the entire experience. I saw my truth when I did, and that was perfect for me. No mistake, only growth opportunity. These messages can be very subtle, or loud and hard, and they are for each of us to interpret; your truth is YOURS alone to discover. They are given to help us figure out patterns or see our part in whatever is going on in our lives. Sometimes we need someone to guide us through this process, someone who is not swayed by the story or influenced by the history or scared by the intensity…someone who has journeyed that fire-walk before and knows ‘the way’. If you find yourself in this place of discovery and you want a companion, I’m here and willing to see if we are a match, and support you through the process.